Anguish
by PolHop
Summary: This is two versions of a story that shows two people madly in love with each other but never taking the chance. Penelope gets a song and so does Derek.
1. P Garcia- Clarity by Zedd feat Foxes

**AN: I'm going to be honest here. The past few days, or weeks have been pretty rough on my psyche. And, last night was probably one of the worst nights I have personally had in a long long time. I am normally a very happy go lucky person, but even those people fall at times. I needed something today, something I still don't know what it is. And, this was the only thing I can think of.**

 **This is two versions of a story that shows two people madly in love with each other but never taking the chance. Penelope gets a song and so does Derek.**

 **This is something I have never done before so let's experiment together.**

 **-Polhop**

* * *

 **Penelope Garcia- "Clarity" by Zedd feat. Foxes**

Penelope Garcia glanced around her office checking to make sure everything was turned off. It'd been a long day and the only thing she wanted to do was go home and crash. Unfortunately, that wasn't in the cards for her, once again.

She sighed as she felt the heaviness within her body. Each day now seemed to be taking more of a toll on her.

At this stage in her life, she had wanted so much more. She loved her job, and the people she worked with, but if she were being honest with herself, this wasn't where she wanted to be.

No. This wasn't it… She wanted a more. She had dreams. Dreams like having her own family, her own children… a husband.

Looking at her monitor, her eyes moved to the framed photo, as they did every time she looked that way. Putting her bag at her feet, she took the few steps to the frame.

There was once a time in her life she had thought she could move on. Find someone that would help her achieve those dreams. But those days were long gone.

Picking up the frame, she let her finger caress the photograph. Closing her eyes, she fought back the pain she was feeling. Why couldn't she move on, lord knows she had tried countless times? But, every time always ended the same. Her heart belonged to only one man, and that man had love for her, but not the love she needed.

Opening her eyes, she looked down at the photograph. Derek staring back at her.

 _You are the piece of me I wish I didn't need,_ she thought as she felt her heart squeeze. In the beginning, it was only a friendship. A fun, flirty friendship, but with time it grew to more. At least on her side.

She'd let people's ideas of her and Derek being the perfect couple cloud her judgement on reality. Her coworkers and friends would point out to her his behavior. His possessiveness, his touches, the love in his eyes.

She'd catch him staring at her when he thought no one was looking… but, she was always looking.

Soon, however, she realized that love was not the same love she had for him. She tried to box up her feelings for Derek. She'd put distance between them, try and date other people but it never worked. So instead she gave up trying. She'd rather live knowing she'd never be truly happy than be in a relationship when she could never give her whole heart.

 _Why are you my remedy?_ she thought as she looked upon the photo. Derek was the only person in the world that could fix anything that she was feeling. Some days she'd walk into the office, and within seconds he'd be at her office door, locking them in until she told him why she was upset. Most people wouldn't even have caught onto her slight change in behavior, but Derek. No, he knew her better than she knew herself.

 _Why are you my clarity?_

Even on the darkest of cases, he'd always bring a sense of clarity to her. That was until his clarity started to drown her. _I drown in you._

When you love someone so much it hurts to breath, you know deep down that it is time for some sort of change. _If you pull, then I'll push too deep and I'll fall back into you._ Penelope wiped a stray tear away that had escaped.

 _Chasing relentlessly, I still fight and I don't know why._ That was a lie. Penelope knew the exact reason why she still fought. And, it was the same reason, she wouldn't leave the BAU, or try to start to date. She would rather be near him and not have him, than be without him.

In life, sometimes you are given the chance to meet your soulmate. But unfortunately, sometimes, life messes up. Sometimes, life gives your other half to the wrong person. And even if that other person will never love you the way you need them to, you can't walk away from your other half.

As she let her finger tips lightly touch the photograph she felt them start to tremble. _You are the piece of me, I wish I didn't need._

She heard his footsteps before she heard his voice. "Baby Girl, you ready to go? The teams already heading to the bar."

The anguish she felt washed over her, but she only allowed it for a brief second. Taking a cleansing breath, she turned to him with a smile on her face. "You bet cha, hot stuff."

She quickly placed the frame back in its proper place, making sure to block what she was doing with her body.

Turning to face him once again she did her best to hide her emotions. She searched his face. _Why are you my remedy?_ Shaking her head, she grasped for Derek's outreached hand and took a hold of it. She'd rather have unrequited love than not have him at all. She looked to his smiling face, as he looked down at her. A wash of love overtook her before turning to sorrow. _I love you, Derek Morgan, and even if you never love me too, you will always be my clarity._

* * *

 _AN: Like I said, this is something I needed and am trying. Derek's song is next. Let me know what you think of this experiment._


	2. D Morgan - Mercy by Shawn Mendes

**AN: The overwhelming response from this story has helped my poor heart. Thank you, my friends. I am okay, and I will always be okay. Sometimes you take a path in life that you know is hard but you do it anyway.**

 **This is Derek's pain in not having Penelope.**

* * *

 **Derek Morgan - "Mercy" by Shawn Mendes**

Derek Morgan watched the dancefloor as Penelope danced with _another_ stranger. His hands were on her waist as she moved her hips into him. Derek did his best to control his breathing, trying not to give away the anguish he was feeling inside. _You've got a hold on me. Don't even know your power._ He tore his eyes from the scene as he tried to stop his heart from shattering once again.

He stared at the beer bottle in front of him as he let his teammates voices fade away.

Where had he gone so wrong? By now, he knew in his heart he should have been married to Penelope. Had at least two children with her…But sometimes life doesn't turn out the way it is supposed to. He sighed. Somewhere along the many years of their friendship, his love for her grew into something so much more, while hers was firmly planted. He'd never forget the most painful day of his life. The day he finally told Penelope he loved her, only for her to start dating someone else. He never thought he'd feel a pain that cut him so deep that it rivaled the pain of losing his father. He was wrong.

He couldn't understand it, he could swear he'd seen the same love in her eyes for him, that he had for her. The _same_ look she gave him as he gathered her from her office only a few hours ago. He obviously saw wrong or she wouldn't be dancing with someone else. _Show me an open door, and go and slam it on me._

She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen inside and out. Her beauty would brighten any darkness. Even the darkness inside of him. There'd been so many times the demons of his past would resurface. Those exact times were the same times she'd magically show up on his front door step with a movie and popcorn in hand. He never asked her how she knew, but then he never wanted to hear her secrets when it came to him. Her honesty might be too much to bare.

Penelope was his other half.

He looked to the dancefloor once again.

But he wasn't hers. _Baby, please have mercy on me. Take it easy on my heart._ He could feel the pain sweep through his body just as it did every time he saw her and remember she wasn't his. Or, that she didn't want him the way he wanted her. Watching her on the dancefloor he closed his eyes and thought, _even though you don't mean to hurt me you keep tearing me apart._

Reaching his hand into his pocket he pulled out his personal phone. The background came to life as he looked at one of his favorite photos of her. It was taken one of the first nights she had fallen asleep on his chest halfway through one of their movie nights. She was curled into him, a peacefulness on her face. _I'd drive through the night just to be near you, baby._ And he had. There had been countless nights especially after she'd been shot where he'd have a feeling she needed someone. No matter where he was, he'd get into his SUV and end up on her doorstep.

He heard her laugh echo through the bar. His heart instantly shattered the impossible bit more. _Would you please have mercy on me? I'm a puppet on your strings._ Taking a chance, he glanced to where he heard the sound of her voice. He saw her, place the palm of her hand to the stranger's chest while shaking her head "no". His heart skipped a beat before falling. He learned the hard way not to get his hopes up.

She turned from the stranger and made her way back to the table, the smile that lip up the room, was present on her face. The second she sat down she reached for his hand squeezing it. It was so normal for her to reach out for him like a lover would, no one ever batted an eye anymore. Looking down at their intertwined fingers, he squeezed back, before placing a smile on his face and looking at her. _Even though you have good intentions I need you to set me free._

Who was he kidding, though? He'd take whatever she was willing to give him. He'd never want to be free of her **.** _In life, sometimes you are given the chance to meet your soulmate. But unfortunately, sometimes, life messes up. Sometimes, life gives your other half to the wrong person. And even if that other person will never love you the way you need them to, you can't walk away from your_ soulmate.

Knowing that walking away was never an option he pushed all his feelings inside of the box labeled Penelope. If all she would ever give him was friendship, he'd gladly take it. She was his world. He'd do anything for her, no matter what it was. If by chance an UNSUB ever captured her, he'd change places with her in a heartbeat. _I'm prepared to sacrifice my life. I would gladly do it twice._ This woman that sat next to him was his one true love. He'd fully came to that conclusion a long time ago.

"Oh, I love this song. Hot Stuff, you wanna dance?" He looked from their hands to her face. Doing his best to push down everything, he smiled and said, "Of course, baby. I'll always do anything you want." He watched as a brief moment of sadness ran across her face, but was quickly replaced by a warm smile.

Trying to not look too deeply into it, he let her lead him to the dancefloor. He decided that even though he couldn't have her he was going to hold her in his arms and pretend for as long as the song played she was his. He just wished he had the power to never let the song end.

.::THE END::.

(at least for now)

 _AN: If I ever come across a song that would put them together I would gladly write it and add it as a third chapter. But, for now this story is done. A small insight into two people that love one another more than their next breath. Unfortunately, life doesn't turn out the away we always hoped it would sometimes, as we saw in the show. Stay beautiful, my beloved friends. –Love always, Polhop_


End file.
